Welcome, the door is open

I have witnessed plenty of destructive immature masculine energy in my family and community life, in politics that I have engaged with, in war times (that I have fortunately not experienced personally), and in my own international community development career, where I have witnessed tremendous hurt, and power-over, dominant behaviour. I have seen too much hurt, misunderstanding, and mistrust, when what I was seeking (and actively working towards) was human kindness, compassion, and untethered support for each other.

“If there was no blame associated with our experiences, and no shame attached to our failings, then this could be a conversation that (safely!) begins to explore the healthy masculine aspects of being human.”

In 2015, I felt it was time for me to actively start calling “in” (not calling “out” ! ) what the Healthy Masculine provides in our society. I wanted to support a remembering, and a co-mentorship atmosphere where sharing and co-learning are invited. So I began to hold non-gendered conversations about "masculinity" in my various communities; and because I sense both a hunger and a reluctance to participate, I carefully frame the conversation in a safe container, as I recognize that far too much hurt, pain, and loss has occurred, and and continues to this day. But because "masculine" qualities are embodied within all genders (eg: anima & animus), I frame the conversation not as a "male vs. female" conversation, and if there was no blame associated with our experiences, and no shame attached to our failings, then this could be a conversation that (safely!) begins to explore the healthy masculine aspects of being human on this beautiful planet. This is where I can see people begin to rest into the idea of gathering together.

This space provides a baseline opportunity for people of all genders to share, and be be seen, while also offering to each other their witnessing and collective learning. Through my holding of grounding in “Council” format, and "Compassionate Communication (NVC)", participants can explore the many meanings of "the Healthy Masculine" and can really begin to honour each other’s experiences. My hope is that these circles are contributing to a cultural shift away from "right/wrong" or "good/bad" ways of 'acting' masculine, and move our society towards a balanced way of being — into a more authentic, emotionally-connected and life-affirming masculine consciousness. And this is where I can feel us harnessing a positive masculine presence in our families, friendships, and communities.

I can hear calls of the Healthy Masculine howling within our collective societies. A longing, a hunger to reconnect, not blame or shame. More and more I see and hear gentle conversations in cafes, more and more circles gathering, and the seemingly increasing destructive politics around the world and social media’s constant barrage of opinions. There is a yearning, and a hunger to awaken the Healthy Masculine. Many have been asking for this ancient knowing, and seeking this awakening their whole lives, especially as humans are in a state of the “Great Turning” (a la Joanna Macy).

For me, this is an important time in human history:

In order to address major social, environmental and political crisis, we are again being called to re-member, re-skill and co-mentor each other in our communities, by practicing how to live into our Healthy Masculine, supporting a reciprocal and nourishing relationship with the Healthy Feminine.

The door is open. Everyone is Welcome. 

Come and explore in a multi-gendered safe space – with trust built over time, in a gently held Circle. This is a deep personal spiritual journey, in a safe, respectful reflective, community exploration.

“Learning is ‘caught’, not ‘taught’, and so this is an exploration, not a workshop.”

As a foundation or a map from which to explore, readings/excerpts from the “Archetypes of the Mature Masculine” are shared and discussed, but ultimately, understanding of masculine archetypes are 'caught' through ones own life experiences. It is in the exploring, in the community sharing, in the listening and the practicing that we begin to 'know'.  As my dad always said, “learning is caught, not taught”, and so this is an exploration, not a workshop.

As we explore, share and understanding how the immature / adolescent masculine – or the shadow side(s) of masculinity – show up in ourselves (and are often promoted in current societies), we can start to collectively bring a balanced awareness and begin to practice and integrate the healthy (or mature) sides of the masculine archetypes: Sovereign, Warrior, Magician, Lover.  Once there, I see us taking a deeper dive, as we contemplate what the Healthy Masculine awakens in the Healthy Feminine. These circles are not simply serving the masculine, they are supporting a reciprocal and nourishing relationship with the feminine.

Welcome, the door is open.

And we must remember that intact cultures have many elders teaching by doing, where others in the village witness the genius and emulate it, respectfully knowing that it took generations to acquire this knowledge. As Jon Young shares on his Nature Connection programs, “Western society does not have an intact culture”.  I see that we do have elders, but there are not enough elders in our “villages”, or  neighbourhoods, and many elders have not been taught the ancient ways of knowing, in community. So if it is up to us to relearn, co-mentor each other, how do we learn the ways of the Healthy Masculine? 

Moment by moment. With patience, in community.

For me, I need to celebrate the small victories as they give me an opening that I need to awaken my Healthy Masculine. By celebrating the small or “easy” moments where I notice when my Healthy Masculine is present, I begin to remember my practice through my felt sense experience so that when my shadow sides arise, and they do (especially when I don't even know it!), it is in that millisecond moment where I recall my felt sense that I noticed in my practice. 

“In that millisecond moment, know that you are alive, and that you made it to this point ... you are not in imminent danger, and you have choice now to practice and thrive as your Sovereign. ”

One way to catch your Healthy Masculine when it arises, is to know how it feels, and what it looks like to be in your healthy masculine. Another way is in the responses you get from others: children will adore it, ask for more of it, and your lovers will soften and trust you. When you experience this, your exploration has got roots, and your ability to pull yourself, your heart, your mind, your body back into healthy alignment in the millisecond you have to notice, before old patterns begin to take over. Some call this your reptilian brain of fight/ flight/ freeze, others call this your Loyal Soldiers who kept you safe when you needed it most. But in that millisecond moment, know that you are alive, and that you made it to this point, and don't forget to thank those human survival traits that kept you safe — however, these survival traits are no longer needed, you are not in imminent danger, and you have choice now to practice and thrive as your Sovereign. 

Practice your Healthy Masculine – in community – and your inner knowing will become louder, and more obvious, in those millisecond moments, that awakens your exploration.

Enquire now to join a Healthy Masculine circle