Stop Gaslighting Nicola … And #SaySorry
Our culture needs more capacity to “say sorry'“
“I think the only person who should apologise for any behaviour on his part which he was asked to do on Friday and failed to do is Alex Salmond."
— Nicola Sturgeon, March 2021
“You talked in quite striking terms about the injury done to you by this whole process, this whole experience, but you made no mention of the considerable distress and misery caused to certain women at the heart of this”.
— Alex Cole-Hamilton, February 2021
“The first step before anybody else can try to come to terms with that is that Alex has to himself show any sort of sign of acknowledging how people feel about how he behaved while he was first minister … “But there are a number of women out there who believe he behaved inappropriately towards them and he has shown, even now, no sense of reflection or contrition, or even an acknowledgement of that.
— Nicola Sturgeon, March 2021
To most reasonable people, I’d like to believe that Alex Salmond’s assertion that both Nicola Sturgeon and the government’s harassment policy are “out to get him” is obviously nonsensical. Clearly, this is a man who’s had his ego bruised, and who – rather than receiving the telling-off the nine complainants’ case against him represented with grace and learning a lesson or two – is very publicly throwing his toys out of the pram instead. It is an unfortunate, but also supremely obvious strategy.
So why are we giving it so much attention?
Why are we wasting so much emotional energy on his tortuous and highly unlikely pursuit of alleged persecution? Even more astounding: why would we (as the media pundits are currently attempting to do) pin the future of Ms. Sturgeon’s political career on the outcome? Surely the Scottish people’s love of proper bureaucratic process cannot outweigh their common sense? There is something that is both absurd and highly familiar about how this story is unfolding, something which carries with it the sense of a foregone conclusion – which I would very much like to challenge.
“As we change our society, we must face up to the beliefs we have disowned and the actions we have unconsciously perpetuated.”
We humans have the extraordinary ability to compartmentalise our experience, to allow some aspects of ourselves into our conscious awareness, and to push others into the shadows. It is this capacity which has enabled our society to carry out innumerable acts of cruelty and violence (slavery, colonisation and the subjugation of women to name a few) while believing all the while in our moral integrity. As we change our society, we must face up to the beliefs we have disowned and the actions we have unconsciously perpetuated — to dredge them up into our shared attention, as painful as that process may be, so that they lose their power and can be changed.
The case against Salmond was an opportunity to do this very thing. Although Salmond won his case, the information that came to light about his conduct (whether or not it constituted a felony in the eyes of the law) told the story of an almost bygone era, in which it was socially permissible – even encouraged – for men to objectify women, and to claim access to their bodies as an expression of power and status. Salmond believed he did nothing wrong, because from the perspective of his culture he only did what was widely sanctioned – if consciously denied.
“A public boundary has been held, a line in the sand drawn”
The fact that a case was held against him sends a message that societal values are changing. It is no longer acceptable for women’s personal sovereignty to be undermined and invaded by those in positions of power. A public boundary has been held, a line in the sand drawn. We are very close to acknowledging an injustice that has been perpetuated in our own hearts and on our own lands for many centuries. And yet change can be a shaky and tender process. The temptation to let it all slip back into the darkness is strong.
How is it possible that it is now not Salmond but Sturgeon who is effectively on trial? This is a classic case of gaslighting: that age-old twist of logic – or perhaps, of consciousness – by which a perpetrator of wrongdoing transforms themselves into the victim, and their accuser into the assailant.
“For this kind of change to take root, however, it must be collectively acknowledged and maturely upheld.”
I cannot allow the new growth I witness towards a more equitable and humane social future in Scotland to be buried and twisted under a flurry of red herrings. What Salmond calls a “conspiracy” I will call by a better name: change. Good change. In a sense, if Salmond thinks he’s being conspired against it’s because it is true. He acted badly, and the laws – and public opinion – are finally catching up. For this kind of change to take root, however, it must be collectively acknowledged and maturely upheld. The First Minister is setting an excellent example in her humanity, sensitivity, and clarity of boundaries in regards to Salmond, and I suggest that we all follow suit.
Let’s not make any more sacrifices on the altar of our collective unconsciousness, shall we?
It’s time to say sorry.